how do I continue to let you pull me down?
how long do I let you drag me through the ground?
how long will you smile in my face
and talk behind my back like I'm a disgrace?
see they told me that sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me,
but they were never called the names I've heard and its more than just words.
its deep down binding, emotional grinding, organ crushing and always bad timing.
I try my best to be the best me I can, to put my best foot forward, smile my prettiest smile, and never give a cold shoulder.
I opened my ears, heart and my mind
to always be thoughtful, loving and kind.
then I finally realized thats its not me
its all you in your misery.
the lies you were told and misfortunes you faced
you never let them go, you decided to displace
them on a pure soul, one thats fresh and new
one that wouldnt know that you were being untrue
but not to worry, I still love you
for I have the love of the Lord in my heart, spirit and mind
and I will always be loyal and true
because what you do unto others will come back to you.
Monday, June 04, 2007
Monday, January 29, 2007
Where did I go wrong?
wow, I shoulda made that left at albequeque...
I tried to rationalize the situation in my mind, I thought about all the things that I had done and what I hadn't done and what I could do, to make the situation better.
and after I had evaluated every possible answer to the questions I had, but still more wrong doing came about. ok maybe I'm over compensating, maybe I was doing too much. What do I have to do .. sell my soul... oh heck no!! I'm not doing that.
And after all this rationalization, and every excuse I could give for him, I had made it real easy for him.. then it dawned on me.. right then, right there..
NONE OF THIS IS MY FAULT!!!
Its all him, he did it, he lied, he cheated, he lied to cover up the cheating.
And thats what its come down to...
I mean I held up my part of the deal, the only thing I asked for was honesty.
I gave you a way out, the door was always open, if you wanted to go you could. you are grown.. you are damn near 30.. get it together. The world will still turn believe me.. I know.
You know how you pray for clairvoyance... you ask God to give you the wisdom, give you a sign and show you the light...lol
He did.. long ago and I said " no God, look.. , but he did this, and he said this"... and God gave me another... and I said "nooo way, how can that be."
Then I finally realized wait, I'm talking to God here, he has his hand in all of this, wow.. hindsight is 20/20.
I tried to rationalize the situation in my mind, I thought about all the things that I had done and what I hadn't done and what I could do, to make the situation better.
and after I had evaluated every possible answer to the questions I had, but still more wrong doing came about. ok maybe I'm over compensating, maybe I was doing too much. What do I have to do .. sell my soul... oh heck no!! I'm not doing that.
And after all this rationalization, and every excuse I could give for him, I had made it real easy for him.. then it dawned on me.. right then, right there..
NONE OF THIS IS MY FAULT!!!
Its all him, he did it, he lied, he cheated, he lied to cover up the cheating.
And thats what its come down to...
I mean I held up my part of the deal, the only thing I asked for was honesty.
I gave you a way out, the door was always open, if you wanted to go you could. you are grown.. you are damn near 30.. get it together. The world will still turn believe me.. I know.
You know how you pray for clairvoyance... you ask God to give you the wisdom, give you a sign and show you the light...lol
He did.. long ago and I said " no God, look.. , but he did this, and he said this"... and God gave me another... and I said "nooo way, how can that be."
Then I finally realized wait, I'm talking to God here, he has his hand in all of this, wow.. hindsight is 20/20.
Friday, January 19, 2007
I dont know what to think anymore
wow I don't know what to think these days. the people who you think you know.. you really don't. the only person you can really count on is God.. because even sometimes we fail ourselves.
the last two months of my life have been good, a little depressing but good. it seems like when I think im ready to give up.. God gives me one more way out. One more chance...
I have a beautiful son, a loving family and tons of "friends". but is that what life is defined by.. isnt it supposed to be define by our greatest moments, our accomplishments, the days when we are at our lowest but got through it.
There are so many things that are out there that can take our mind off what is bothering us.. but those things are temporary. nothing is long lived even carnal love ends.
The more I learn about people the more I dont take what I have for granted because I know there is someone out there struggling... for something.
the last two months of my life have been good, a little depressing but good. it seems like when I think im ready to give up.. God gives me one more way out. One more chance...
I have a beautiful son, a loving family and tons of "friends". but is that what life is defined by.. isnt it supposed to be define by our greatest moments, our accomplishments, the days when we are at our lowest but got through it.
There are so many things that are out there that can take our mind off what is bothering us.. but those things are temporary. nothing is long lived even carnal love ends.
The more I learn about people the more I dont take what I have for granted because I know there is someone out there struggling... for something.
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
WOW
January 2.
I wake up to a horrifying text.. Brandeis, my brother is gone.
Its so early, my first thought is what?! what happened?!
Oh my goodness.. Life is so precious.
As I sit here at my desk I can only think about what my cousin/family friend was thinking moments before he decided to take his own life. The very things that we on a daily basis take for granted, the things that make us happy, sad, content.. the things that make us... us.
I'm speechless
I cannot fathom how his dad, mom, and three brothers are feeling right now. You know you always hear about a friend of a friends friend that does something unimaginable... you never think it can happen to you.
2007 I dedicate this year to helping out others....
I wake up to a horrifying text.. Brandeis, my brother is gone.
Its so early, my first thought is what?! what happened?!
Oh my goodness.. Life is so precious.
As I sit here at my desk I can only think about what my cousin/family friend was thinking moments before he decided to take his own life. The very things that we on a daily basis take for granted, the things that make us happy, sad, content.. the things that make us... us.
I'm speechless
I cannot fathom how his dad, mom, and three brothers are feeling right now. You know you always hear about a friend of a friends friend that does something unimaginable... you never think it can happen to you.
2007 I dedicate this year to helping out others....
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)